Sharing a bedroom. Sharing clothes. Sharing the last packet of fruit snacks. There's no relationship quite like the one between siblings — and while it can be a genuine source of joy for parents to witness, helping nurture it takes real intention, especially on the days that feel more like refereeing than parenting.
That’s why we asked our VIP community for their most burning sibling bonding questions — then sat down with Dr. Alexandra O'Grady, a PhD-level Behavior Analyst (BCBA-D) and founder of ABA Behavior Services, to get her expertise on building sibling relationships at every age and stage. Whether you're looking for sibling bonding tips for parents, help managing sibling rivalry, or ways to foster connection between siblings with different personalities, you're in the right place.
Let’s start with a little intro! Can you tell us about yourself and your background?
I'm Dr. Alexandra O'Grady — a PhD-level Behavior Analyst (BCBA-D) and mom to two spirited, strong-willed kiddos: my 6-year-old son and my 2 1⁄2-year-old daughter. I founded ABA Behavior Services to provide Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA) therapy to children with autism, related developmental needs, and behavioral challenges. My goal is always the same: strategies that are evidence-based, realistic, and actually doable in real life.
What are some simple, everyday sibling bonding tips for parents who want their kids to actually enjoy spending time together?
Pair sibling time with something fun! Instead of "Go play together," try: "You two get to build the biggest tower we've ever made." When sibling time feels special, resistance drops.
Shared roles make a big difference, too. Give each child a meaningful part — one picks the music, one presses play. Then reinforce it: "I love how you waited for your sister." That specific praise makes positive interaction more likely to happen again.
How can we encourage sibling bonding at different ages when interests are so different?
Bonding isn't about identical interests — it's about shared joy. Look for simple overlaps: the family dog, baking cookies, movie nights. There's almost always something they both enjoy. Build around that.
Structured "helper" roles work beautifully, too. Older siblings often thrive with leadership: "Can you show her how to turn the page?" That builds pride and connection without forcing it. Keep experiences short and positive — five minutes of successful play beats thirty minutes that ends in tears.
How do we help kids bond with a new baby without the older child feeling replaced?
Involve them early, but without making them feel like a parent. Let them pick out a blanket or choose a book for the baby. Inclusion builds importance, not pressure.
Allow space for big feelings, too. Excitement and jealousy can both show up — and that's normal. Protect one-on-one time, stay consistent, and reassure them that your love hasn't shifted. It's just grown.
Why do siblings fight so much, and what actually helps reduce the constant bickering?
Siblings fight because they're together often and still learning sharing, flexibility, and problem-solving. Some conflict is normal. Constant bickering usually signals we need to shift what happens around the behavior.
The most effective change? Catch them being good. If kids only get big reactions when they argue, arguing becomes effective. Positive attention for cooperation makes cooperation more likely next time.
When should we step in vs. let them work it out?
Teach specific skills first: if one child is pushed, teach them to say "I don't like that." Teach the other child what to do next. Now both have a script.
Once those skills are in place, you can step back more often. Coach if needed — "What could you say?" — instead of jumping in with a verdict. The goal isn't refereeing. It's teaching skills that last.
How do we teach siblings to communicate instead of screaming, hitting, or melting down?
Model the language you want to hear: "Can I have a turn?" "I need space." Prompt it in the moment if needed, then fade back as they grow more independent. When they choose communication over aggression — even imperfectly — reinforce it: "I love how you asked for a turn instead of grabbing."
Do you have any tips for reducing sibling jealousy and conflict around fairness?
"That's not fair!" is usually about comparison, not fairness. Our job isn't to make everything equal — it's to help them handle differences. Acknowledge the feeling: "You wish it went your way." Then normalize it: "Sometimes it won't — and you can handle that."
Give specific, individual attention to each child. When every kid feels seen for their own effort, the need to compete softens.
How do we handle transitions — like leaving the playground or ending screen time — without power struggles?
Set expectations upfront: "We're playing for 20 minutes, then we'll head to the car for a snack." Use brief warnings — five minutes and two minutes works well. Pair the ending with something to look forward to ahead of time, not when the crying starts. And follow through. When time is up, it's up.
Any advice for supporting sibling relationships when one child is neurodivergent or has extra needs?
Start with simple, non-scary language: "Your brother's brain works a little differently, and sometimes that means he needs extra help." Understanding reduces fear and resentment.
Protect one-on-one time for both children — siblings of kids with extra needs should never feel like a second parent. Look intentionally for shared joy. Connection doesn't have to look identical. It just has to feel positive.
What phrases used by parents backfire, and what should we say instead?
Instead of "Stop that," give a clear "do" direction: "Use gentle hands" or "Take turns." Instead of "Use your words," model exactly what to say: "Can I have a turn, please?" And avoid phrasing directions as questions — "Time to put shoes on" is clearer than "Are you ready to put your shoes on?" Clear language reduces confusion, and confusion often fuels conflict.
No two sibling relationships look the same, and there's no perfect formula for building one. But the small stuff, like the little inside jokes or the sweet interactions you quietly reinforce, are where the real magic happens. Here’s to more of those.
What's a sibling moment that made you smile recently? Drop it in the comments for a chance to win a $50 LS gift card — we give one away each month!
